A Crappy Cowboy

As I mentioned last week our septic tank overflowed and we required an immediate septic pumping, which was completed. This is what I didn't tell you, because it was really so ridiculous it required it's own post.

After Mr S came inside and informed me of the septic overflow I picked up the phone and started dialing. Admittedly it was 9pm on a Sunday night, but this is the Country and I wanted to see if I could organise someone, STAT.

I spoke to the man (Company A) who had dealt with all of the septic tanks in my street (highway) for as long as he'd been working. He told me the approximate location of our septic tank, and also that he retired last year. Oh.

My next call was to a man (Company B) who was recommended to me by the man I'd just spoken to. Company B was rude, and we have decided in hindsight, drunk. He asked our address five times within a minute, and upon explaining this to him he informed me that if we couldn't expose the septic tank lid he wouldn't come around. I put him on to Mr S, who chatted to him for a bit longer and said we'd call him in the morning if we wanted him to do the job. We did not call him.

I rang plumbers, septic tank cleaners and what felt like everyone under the sun the next morning, until I called Steve the Country Plumber (who has saved our bacon more than once) who turned up within the hour. He exposed the pit, I booked a septic pumping company (Company C) and all was well.

At the time that Company C was due to turn up, this happened.

I have never been so overjoyed to see a septic truck.

Overjoyed with the concept of a working toilet again, I said 'Oh it's you Company B - you got here anyway!' As in, 'I know we live in the sticks, therefore Company C contracted you.' To which he replied 'Yep! That's me!' And proceeded to pump out the septic tank. That was it.

My first 'DING DING DING' should have been when I heard Company B's offsider call out 'It's all done mate! Should I put the tank lid back on?'. I zoomed outside and said 'Yes. Yes you SHOULD replace the lid to the septic tank thank you.' (Really? Do people leave them off?)

5 minutes of small talk later, I farewell Company B, who stops me and says 'I need payment.'

'No no, I paid over the phone.'

'No you didn't.'

'Yep I did. Ring Company C. I paid with my credit card.'

'I'm not Company C. I'm Company B.'

'What are you doing here?'

'You rang me last night.'

'Yes, but we didn't call you back OR book you.'

'I need to be paid. That's $280.'

'I didn't book you. I booked Company C. And they were $40 cheaper than that. Stay here, outside, I need to sort this out.'

At which point I stormed inside with a phone in each hand attempting to ring Company C BEFORE they turned up and trying to ring Mr S to find out precisely what the bleep I should do? I got on to Company C, who were trying to ring me to tell me they were half an hour away, but oh so kindly refunded my money. Company B knocked on the door and said he'd accept the same payment...

I was thinking he could go and get...?

I couldn't believe this was actually happening. It's like a shitty horror movie. Sorry, the poo jokes were everywhere over the course of these two days, otherwise I'd have cried non stop. 

At no time did Company B say 'Hey - just stopping by to see if you wanted me to do the tank? I know you didn't ring me back this morning, but I was in the neighbourhood.' I felt like a silly housewife who'd been taken advantage of - I'm smarter than this.

It was a series of unfortunate coincidences. He turned up at the same time as Company C, so my small talk and his non-talk led me to believe that all was well and good. Instead, he's just a crappy cowboy who made a crapload of assumptions and let it all turn to shit, then expecting his money.

Mr S called him that night and to our amazement, Company B made no mention of a mix up, just how exceptionally full our tank was. Just like him, full of shit.

Did I feel stupid and naive? You bet. Would this have happened to anyone else? Probably. Am I going to tell you who Company B is? Not here. You can email me if you're in the Valley and I'll tell you everything.

Thankfully I had the delightful company of Sarah in a chat window most of the afternoon, who helped me out by making poo jokes, but we both agreed that Company B was indeed, a shithead.

Who incidentally, left a metre long streak of raw sewerage on my driveway. That's just crap.