Friday, June 13, 2014

FFS Friday - Mother, Mediator, Jaw Clencher.

Dear My Dentist,

It's been awhile since I'd visited one of your ilk. In fact, I was unmarried the last time I saw you. In that time I had two babies, which roughly translates to:
3 years of no dental attendance FFS.
3 years of eating after I'd brushed my teeth at night FFS.
3 years of eating high sugary foods, usually in the night FFS.
Drinking far too much coffee FFS.
Not flossing regularly FFS.
However, I do religiously brush twice per day. No FFS.

I'm sorry. I don't know that you are sorry. Perhaps you are sorry on a human level, but I hear your internal cash register ringing loudly.

At our visit this week you were the bearer of bad news. There are four wisdom teeth, three of which need to be removed. FFS.
Two of my molars touch at the top but not at the bottom, making a nice pocket for germs to multiply and cause a cavity. FFS.
Indeed, I do clench my teeth. I suspect it's the stress of mediating two headstrong toddlers all day. FFS.
Yes, I do have TMJ syndrome and yes I have a splint to assist my jaw. FFS.
I do not know where my splint is. It's also about 10 years old. FFS.
You kindly suggested I purchase a Waterpik to assist in the cleaning of said tooth. It costs $160. I was not at all surprised to discover that you conveniently sell them. FFS.
I do not own a Waterpik at this point in time. FFS.
You inspected my teeth, told me all the problems and told me to book back in for a thorough cleaning. I imagined that was WHY I WAS THERE IN THE FIRST PLACE. FFS.

We did however get a branded welcome pack. I now own two toothbrushes, mini dental floss, mini mouth wash and two mini toothpastes, for the cost of $250. FFS.

However, my new health insurance saw your inflated bill and came to the party bringing balloons, streamers and a bottle of champers. NO FFS.
So really, it was only a $50 pack of toothbrushes. NO FFS.

My dentist, I will see you in a few weeks time once I've had a Medicare funded 3D jaw xray to assist in the location of my facial nerves before we proceed with talking to surgeon about the removal of my wisdom teeth.

With the money that you extract (PUNTASTICO) from your patients may I make a suggestion?
PLEASE heat your surgery. It's freezing.

Yours in regular flossing,


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